feeling engaged.

life kind of feels like a dream right now. im not sure if i am still seasick from the dinner cruise on saturday, or if life truly is a dream right now. the reason i want to write this blog is to remind myself what being engaged really is about. i never imagined myself getting married, being engaged, or planning a wedding for that matter. therefore, when i met derek and realized that he is the man i want to spend the rest of my life with, it was such a blessing. he changed my perspective on love, romance, and marriage. and because of that, now that we are engaged, i feel unprepared. i feel anxious. i feel overwhlemed. i just want to marry my best friend, and walk this journey of life together.
so.. just as marriage is to be a reflection of jesus and the church, i want to make our engagement reflect that as well. i want to act, plan, and delegate as a reflection of jesus and the church. i want to be faithful to jesus first, then to derek, then to the wedding planning. im going to need to hear the words of jesus over and over in my head especially now, but forevermore. i want to remember the words "come to me all who are weary and burdened and learn from me." if there was anyone who had the right to be anxious or overwhelmed it was Jesus Christ. "for the joy that was set before him, [he] endured the cross." i want and need to learn from jesus. i have something so amazing and wonderful to look forward to and the fear of anxiety is crippling me from enjoying it... but jesus knew he would suffer, die, and be humiliated on a cross but he served and loved unconditionally those around him and lived to do the will of the Father.
Jesus,
teach me to be more like you. i dont want to be you, or act like you, or look like you. i want you to be in me and live and dwell in my innermost being. i want to respond like you did and always do. i want to respond in patience and compassion. i want to see things from your perspective. i want to see things from a heavenly, eternal viewpoint. i want to remember that i am not my own. i want to remember this is not my home. but more than anything right now make this true in my life: "the Lord is my shepherd, i shall not want."
always,
your servant.