year two reflections

First and foremost I must say happy anniversary to the man of my reality, Derek John.

I would say he is the man of my dreams, but I didn’t really have one of those.

For those of you out there who wonder how I ended up married at the ripe old age of 22; here you go.

…it goes like this:

(don’t worry, the life lesson is at the end)

Derek was 20. Kourtney was 15. Those ages don’t go together. But that’s when I met Derek.

I was a young girl, passionate about this Jesus who just saved my life, and not a boy in sight on my radar. He was a college guy. I was in junior high. He was “cool” and he knew it. He was the best friend of one of my best friend’s older brother. I remember vividly thinking (maybe saying), “I will never be with someone like him…” (I’ll spare you the details why).

Fast-forward 5 years. I am 20. Derek is 25. Our lives meet up again and at a much more appropriate age range. Derek and I “happen” to be in the same Bible study with many mutual friends. When I saw him, I’m not going to lie, I judged. But when he opened his mouth I’ll never forget my reaction… “Who is this guy and what happened to him?”

He was full of grace, compassion, humility, love for Jesus, and love for others; all of which still reign true.

But, I was not interested. Not even a little bit. Nope. No way.

…but he was.

I always tell this story saying HE WOULD NOT LEAVE ME ALONE.

And while that is true…I am wildly glad he didn’t.

SIDENOTE:

I told myself when I was younger than I didn’t want to get married. I had never really seen a healthy marriage that I desired, and I honestly thought I would be better off by myself. I was independent and self-sufficient. I did not need or want a man. I did not dream of my wedding day or pick our all of my kids names. I had my dreams, goals, aspirations; I was going to make something of myself. I was content. I loved Jesus and really felt just fine. Plus, I knew if I dated someone it would be serious and that would be it.

ENDNOTE

He scared me. He wanted me. Me?

He dated me, even when I told him we weren’t dating. He sent me flowers even when I told him I hated flowers (which duh, is a lie). He paid for my meals, which is like a big no-no for an independent girl like me. He called instead of texted (which was weird). He made me mad. He didn’t listen to me. He didn’t respect my decision not to be with him.

But, after all he knew something I didn’t.

So, one day on a walk with a friend we had a conversation that changed my life.

She said for many women not dating someone is stepping out in faith, but maybe for you dating Derek is your step of faith.

I was afraid. At the root of my being was FEAR. I was afraid he would hurt me and that I would fall in love and he would forsake me and I would be angry with myself for giving in.

But, I trusted him….and still do.

This is how God works: he gives us the things we desperately need for growing in holiness whether or not we know we need them.

Hear this clearly: I was not looking for a husband, boyfriend, or soul mate. I did not want to be married at 22. BUT…it has been my most treasured gift and what I needed.

God gave me Derek for my good, to grow in holiness and Christ-likeness, to refine me and strip me of sin and selfishness (which is a lifelong process) and the by-product (not the purpose) is joy and happiness. 

            I did not and do not deserve Derek’s love.

I have not earned it, attained, or maintained it.

I would have been a miserable, proud, self-sufficient woman if God had not intervened and given me in marriage. it was God's mercy.

My dear friend Dana once said, “I think God gave us marriage because it’s one of the best ways of dying to yourself.” True.

To that end… that is how Derek became my man, but Jesus still remains the man of my dreams.

So, what has this year taught me/us…?

            “the first year is the hardest” is not true (for everyone).

            There will be harder days.

I don’t know if its some old wives’ tale but I just don’t believe it.

Year two of our marriage has been harder than the first. Like a lot harder.

But, that’s not the only reason I disagree & this is why:

I saw a mom and wife with two young boys lose the love of her life in year 5.

I think that was their hardest year.

I saw at least 4 celebrity couples walk away from their spouses in year 3,4, 10 & 13.

I think those were their hardest years.

I saw a woman and her husband struggling with infertility in year 2…3…4…

I think that was their hardest year.

I saw a couple wondering who they were after all their kids were gone and out of the house in year 20.

I think that was their hardest year.

I saw a couple loose their baby in year 2.

I think that was their hardest year.

I saw a woman who’s husband left her for another woman in year 19.

I think that was their hardest year.

I saw a wife wait in fear for her husband’s return as he is deployed overseas in year 5.

 I think that was their hardest year.

I saw a wife stand by her man as he battled cancer in year 50.

I think that was their hardest year.

I saw a wife lay her husband to rest after he lost his battle to cancer in year 56.

I think that was their hardest year.

SO, I am humbled and brought to tears at the heartbreak and devastation of the hardest years.

But don’t let it fool us; the first year is not the hardest.

Our second year, will not be the hardest.

As we press on, keeping our eye on the prize, we know what lies ahead.

Our dear friends who recently celebrated 50 years of marriage told us this:

“Just wait, the last 30 years are the best.”

Whatever year you are in, maybe its year 0 or maybe you started over. Hold fast…. The tough times are coming.

I mean the really tough times.

But so are the good ones.

There is nothing in this world that will hold us together. No beauty. No years. No commitment.

Nothing, but the blood of Jesus.

So, we may have had a rough year 2…but we praise Jesus all the more for holding us together.

He is the faithful one who will sustain us.

Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day. (2 Timothy 1:12)

Derek,

Thank you for these first 2 years, where God has molded, stretched, and refined us more than ever before. I’ve never been a part of something so mundane, yet so much bigger than us. Thank you for your love for Jesus. He is our greatest joy and fellowship. You are my greatest gift and grace. Cheers to 48 more years. Happy anniversary baby.

I love you more than love.

Your wife,

Kourtney