3 lessons in 3 years...

"To be loved but not known is comforting, but superficial.

To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. 

But to be fully known and truly loved, is well, a lot like being loved by God.

It is what we need more than anything."

I am going to steal the three things I've learned [about marriage] in three years from this quote above.

1. to be loved, but not known is comforting, but superficial...

...which is true, but is also where we all started in this marriage journey.

Very few of us would have said on the day of our wedding that our spouse didn't really "know" us.
But, the truth is they didn't. 
I loved Derek, like loved him, when we got married. And, I would say that he knew me better than almost anyone has. 
But looking back, it was exactly this, we loved each other but weren't known by each other. 
This is how marriage starts off... and there are probably some laughing at me who have been married for 20 years because we are still in the "starting off" stage. 
3 years ago I loved Derek. 
Today, I know Derek [more]. 
It would be a tragedy to stay loving someone without knowing them...
In fact I don't know if you can? Which leads to lesson #2.

2. to be known and not loved is our greatest fear....

...and boy isn't it! 
It's a crazy mysterious, sick and twisted game in marriage where you realize how crappy of a person you are or how bad you are at loving or how selfish you are, so you pull back, hide, coverup, or puff up, and never let yourself be known. 
to be "known" isn't cute or romantic.... ITS HARD, ugly, humbling, messy...
to be known is to be vulnerable. 
to be known was to allow Derek to see that I am actually going to disappoint him as a wife. 
I will not meet all of his expectations. 
I will not always be that girl of his dreams. 
If there is ANYTHING [yet] I have learned in marriage is that being "known" is worth the risk. Its worth it because if you don't go to those hard, ugly, humbling, messy places you will never be able to love each other well; it will always be superficial. 
this past year Derek has seen me at some of my absolute worst times. there were moments I was ashamed and embarrassed and I wanted to hide because I couldn't bare being known like that. 
But, he saw through that because he knows me, and because he knows me he was able to love me in ways I didn't even know I needed...
This might sound all vague and cute, but its anything but that.

This is a day by day, commitment to being known and knowing him. 

Marriage is a day by day [shoot, minute by minute] commitment to knowing and being known.

3. so, being fully known and truly loved, is a lot like being loved by God. 

The way you let yourself be known might say a lot about your love relationship with Jesus...
The more I allowed myself to receive the love, mercy, and grace of God, the more I let myself be known by Derek.
See, we have ourselves disillusioned if we think these relationships aren't intimately intertwined. 

This is the love we long for. Our hearts are restless, searching for the "one" who will know us and love us for exactly who we are. 

But its not our marriage that will give us that security.

The secret is... it was never really meant to be about marriage.

The more we recognize that we are fully known by God and even still completely loved by Him, the more it frees us to be known and loved by our spouses.

So, being fully known and truly loved is a lot like being loved by God.
More so, being known and chosen in marriage is a fragile, messy picture of being bought by Jesus.

Once again, 3 years in and the message is still the same.

Jesus.

Marriage advice to myself [and to you]:
...if you want to be fully known and truly loved, you must revel in the reality that you are fully know and truly loved by God.

"It is what we need more than anything..."

Derek John Price,
I love you more every day and promise to know you for the rest of my life.

To many more years of being known and loved by Jesus....

Kourt.