First and foremost
I must say happy anniversary to the man of my reality, Derek John.
I would say he is the man of my dreams, but I didn’t really
have one of those.
For those of you out there who wonder how I ended up married
at the ripe old age of 22; here you go.
…it goes like this:
(don’t worry, the life lesson
is at the end)
Derek was 20. Kourtney was 15. Those ages don’t go together.
But that’s when I met Derek.
I was a young girl, passionate about this Jesus who just
saved my life, and not a boy in sight on my radar. He was a college guy. I was
in junior high. He was “cool” and he knew it. He was the best friend of one of
my best friend’s older brother. I remember vividly thinking (maybe saying), “I
will never be with someone like him…” (I’ll spare you the details why).
Fast-forward 5 years. I am 20. Derek is 25. Our lives meet
up again and at a much more appropriate age range. Derek and I “happen” to be
in the same Bible study with many mutual friends. When I saw him, I’m not going
to lie, I judged. But when he opened his mouth I’ll never forget my reaction…
“Who is this guy and what happened to him?”
He was full of grace, compassion, humility, love for Jesus,
and love for others; all of which still reign true.
But, I was not interested. Not even a little bit. Nope. No
way.
…but he was.
I always tell this story saying HE WOULD NOT LEAVE ME ALONE.
And while that is true…I am wildly glad he didn’t.
SIDENOTE:
I told myself when I was younger than I didn’t want to get
married. I had never really seen a healthy marriage that I desired, and I
honestly thought I would be better off by myself. I was independent and
self-sufficient. I did not need or want a man. I did not dream of my wedding
day or pick our all of my kids names. I had my dreams, goals, aspirations; I
was going to make something of myself. I was content. I loved Jesus and really
felt just fine. Plus, I knew if I dated someone it would be serious and that
would be it.
ENDNOTE
He scared me. He wanted me. Me?
He dated me, even when I told him we weren’t dating. He sent
me flowers even when I told him I hated flowers (which duh, is a lie). He paid
for my meals, which is like a big no-no for an independent girl like me. He
called instead of texted (which was weird). He made me mad. He didn’t listen to
me. He didn’t respect my decision not to be with him.
But, after all he knew something I didn’t.
So, one day on a walk with a friend we had a
conversation that changed my life.
She said for many women not dating someone is stepping out
in faith, but maybe for you dating Derek is your step of faith.
I was afraid. At the root of my being was FEAR. I was afraid
he would hurt me and that I would fall in love and he would forsake me and I
would be angry with myself for giving in.
But, I trusted him….and still do.
This is how God works: he gives us the things we desperately
need for growing in holiness whether or not we know we need them.
Hear this clearly: I was not looking for a husband,
boyfriend, or soul mate. I did not want to be married at 22. BUT…it has been my most treasured gift
and what I needed.
God gave me Derek for my good, to grow in holiness and Christ-likeness, to refine me and strip me of sin and selfishness (which is a lifelong process) and the by-product (not the purpose) is joy and happiness.
I did not and do not deserve Derek’s love.
I have not earned it, attained, or
maintained it.
I would have been a miserable,
proud, self-sufficient woman if God had not intervened and given me in
marriage. it was God's mercy.
My dear friend Dana once said, “I think God gave us marriage
because it’s one of the best ways of dying to yourself.” True.
To that end… that is how Derek became my man, but Jesus
still remains the man of my dreams.
So, what has this year taught me/us…?
“the first
year is the hardest” is not true (for everyone).
There will
be harder days.
I don’t know if its some old wives’ tale but I just don’t
believe it.
Year two of our marriage has been harder than the first.
Like a lot harder.
But, that’s not the only reason I disagree & this is
why:
I saw a mom and wife with two young boys lose the love of
her life in year 5.
I think that was their hardest
year.
I saw at least 4 celebrity couples walk away from their
spouses in year 3,4, 10 & 13.
I think those were their hardest
years.
I saw a woman and her husband struggling with infertility in
year 2…3…4…
I think that was their hardest
year.
I saw a couple wondering who they were after all their kids were
gone and out of the house in year 20.
I think that was their hardest
year.
I saw a couple loose their baby in year 2.
I think that was their hardest
year.
I saw a woman who’s husband left her for another woman in
year 19.
I think that was their hardest
year.
I saw a wife wait in fear for her husband’s return as he is
deployed overseas in year 5.
I think that was their hardest year.
I saw a wife stand by her man as he battled cancer in year
50.
I think that was their hardest
year.
I saw a wife lay her husband to rest after he lost his
battle to cancer in year 56.
I think that was their hardest
year.
SO, I am humbled and brought to tears at the
heartbreak and devastation of the hardest years.
But don’t let it fool us; the first year is not the hardest.
Our second year, will not be the hardest.
As we press on, keeping our eye on the prize, we know what
lies ahead.
Our dear friends who recently celebrated 50 years of
marriage told us this:
“Just wait, the last 30 years are the best.”
Whatever year you are in, maybe its year 0 or maybe you
started over. Hold fast…. The tough times are coming.
I mean the really tough times.
But so are the good ones.
There is nothing in this world that will hold us together.
No beauty. No years. No commitment.
Nothing, but the blood of Jesus.
So, we may have had a rough year 2…but we praise Jesus all
the more for holding us together.
He is the faithful one who will sustain us.
Yet
this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced
that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day. (2
Timothy 1:12)
Derek,
Thank you for these first 2 years, where God has molded,
stretched, and refined us more than ever before. I’ve never been a part of
something so mundane, yet so much bigger than us. Thank you for your love for
Jesus. He is our greatest joy and fellowship. You are my greatest gift and
grace. Cheers to 48 more years. Happy anniversary baby.
I love you more than love.
Your wife,
Kourtney
